


Doctor Visits

by ellismiki



Category: Petscop (Web Series)
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Hospitalization, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Transgender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:27:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26715985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellismiki/pseuds/ellismiki
Summary: Paul's visits to the doctor and ER over the course of his life.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Lina's dialogue is to the right, Belle's dialogue is in the middle, and Paul/Carrie/Other character's dialogue is to the left.

**6**

"Carrie? Can you hand me a pen, please?...Carrie?"

"...."

"Hello! Earth to Carrie?"

"...."

"I'll get it, ma!"

"Thank you, Belle. What's wrong with your sister?"

"I dunno."

"She sure likes to be in her own little world."

"Maybe she's too busy."

"Busy with what? Reorganizing her dresser for the tenth time today?...Sorry, Belle. That came out as mean, didn't it?"

"It makes me kinda worried, ma."

"Yeah...I think I'm worried too."

=====

"Carrie, sweetie? What do you say we go to the doctor?"

"...."

"Just a check-up, sweetie. I wanna make sure you're okay."

"...M'kay."

"Do you want to take one of your toys with you? I know you like your toys!"

"Sure... where's Dolly?"

"Hmm. Lemme look in your closet -"

"No! Don't touch it!" "

"Carrie!...Carrie, what's wrong? Why can't I touch it?"

"...."

"Well, I guess we'll have to go without Dolly."

"But I took her last time."

"I'm sure Dolly is tired and wants to stay home. Why don't you say nighty-night so she can take a nap?"

=====

"Lina? I'd like to speak with you outside."

"Yes? What is it?"

"I'm not the most qualified person to make a diagnosis, ma'am, but your child is exhibiting signs of autism. And to get a proper diagnosis -"

"Autism?!"

"Like I said, I'm not the right person for a diagnosis. I'm gonna write down some numbers you can call. You're gonna have to book an appointment with a specialist."

"What makes you think she has autism??"

"The obsessive-compulsive behaviors for one...you've said she hasn't made very many friends, and is very particular about some things. You've also mentioned that she hardly ever makes eye contact."

"I thought...I thought it was normal for a child. I was just concerned it was getting out of hand!"

"I know that it may feel strange, but speaking with a specialist about it and getting therapy would help tons. Promise to call these numbers?"

"...I promise."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Left aligned will always be Paul - right aligned in this chapter is his therapist.

**13**

"Hey, Carrie! How's it been?"

"Uhh...fine. I guess. I have some questions though...."

"Go ahead!"

"Um, well...I like...I dunno."

"You can tell me anything you're comfortable with."

"Well...I don't know how to put it in words. I guess I'm just...uncomfortable?"

"Who are you uncomfortable with?"

"Um..."

"I'm sorry that--"

"No, uh, it's not you! It's...some _thing_ , I guess. I dunno. I feel as if...my body... isn't right? I really don't know how to put it in words."

"Why do you feel so about your body?"

"I feel like...I really feel like I shouldn't--I should, uh, be a boy?"

"....That is actually something I've seen many times on the same couch you're sitting on. Have you heard of gender dysphoria?"

"Um, sorta. I dunno....When I heard those words they sorta just...fit the description? Like, my gender is disoriented or something. I don't want to be a girl. It's not that I hate doing girly things, I just...I dunno. I like being a boy. I like dressing in the baggiest clothes I can find and getting my hair cut short and being mistaken for a guy and I wish...I wish that wouldn't be a mistake. I wish I was a _real_ boy."

"You actually are a real boy."

"Wait, what?"

"Lots of people who are transgender have brains that are essentially a different gender than their body. And that's what's happening to you."

"But...how do I know for sure I'm trans?"

"I'm no gender studies expert, but I think what you've described pretty much tells me straight out that you have dysphoria. I cannot provide a diagnosis since I'm just your therapist, but I do have a colleague...here. Lemme write down her phone number for you, okay?"

"Okay. Um... I'm kinda nervous. What about Mom?"

"Some of the time when parents aren't very accepting, they just don't understand what's going on. Do you feel comfortable doing a family session next time I'm available? My colleague can also provide answers."

"Okay. So uhh...can we do maybe...next time you're open? Like, I really wanna know what's going on with me."

"I'm open at 3:00 on Saturday next. And...bud? What would you like to be called?"

"Oh...um. I dunno. I haven't thought that far yet. I kinda have an online alias I use for forums and such and I really like it.... It sounds really dumb, but uh. My mom is a huge Beatles fan and I kinda named myself after a member. So uh...I think...I think I'd like to be called Paul."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Left aligned is the therapist, middle is Belle, and right aligned is Lina.

**14**

"Miss Leskowitz?"

"Hey...um, I'm worried about my dau--er, son. Sorry."

"How so?" 

"Belle was talking about what happened with his father and...well, he doesn't remember. He was confused on what she was talking about. And I didn't want to make him remember...."

"I see. The stuff with his dad happened when he was...five, right?"

"Yes...it seems very young, but he should remember something."

"Lina, maybe we should speak in person. How about Paul's next therapy session? Or do you want to meet sooner?"

"Whatever works for you. I just hope he's...dealing with it okay. With his transition and stupid kids from school and such... there's so much he's dealing with."

"Okay. Sunday at 7:00?" 

"That works. Thank you so much." _Click._

=====

"I spoke with Paul, and he seems to be doing well. But about your concerns: I think his memory genuinely has been affected."

"Are you saying he lost his memory?"

"Not exactly. More like, forgot they exist - likely due to trauma. It's a common response for those dealing with trauma."

"So...will they return?"

"Likely, yes. His brain has created a barrier preventing those memories from coming to consciousness, but in some patients the memories come through. The best thing to do is not to remind him, but let him remember."

"That's what I thought to do. I mean, I don't want to force him to remember....But when?"

"No one knows. I'm sorry."

"It's fine. I'm just sorry for Paul. I wish he hadn't gone through what he did...."

=====

"Mom?"

"Yes, sweetie?"

"Well, uh....I really wanna help Paul. And I dunno how...so I'm gonna learn."

"Belle, you have a lot on your hands now. We'll get through this --"

"I'm not gonna have so much in a bit. Color guard ain't for me. Spell Bowl ain't for me. I don't wanna learn more about history, I want to learn about science and medicine and minds."

"You want to be a doctor?"

"Yes, ma. More than anything. I want to help people like Paul. I want to understand."

"It's not your fault, Belle."

"I know, ma! I know. I just wanna help. If I die, I die helping someone live. I owe it to my brother. I owe it to you. I owe it to me. 'Cause if I can't help someone...I dunno if I can help Paul."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Left is Paul, right is Belle.

**25**

"...What?"

"Paul? Paul, you're awake. Oh my god --"

"Belle...."

"Oh my god. Are you feeling okay?"

"...."

"Does anything hurt?"

"Sore...head hurts."

"Yeah...I, uh, found you collapsed outside the windmill. You have...a lot of injuries. And the headache... that's either the concussion or pain meds. Or both."

"...Why... didn't you tell me?"

"...I, um. I... couldn't."

"Jesus."

"I really couldn't, Paul. The doctor told us that we couldn't, like, make you remember. You had to on your own and...."

"...."

"I'm so sorry. I mean...I really wanted to tell you. I felt at times that I was screaming at you. But really, I just sat there and smiled and...."

"...Whatever."

"If it makes you feel better...he's dead."

"Good."

"I was running after you guys. When he took you and -- I went after you guys. God, Paul, you could've -- could've...."

"Died."

"Yeah."

"...."

"I understand that you're mad. I just--"

"I'm not mad."

"...Then what are you?"

"Scared."


	5. Chapter 5

**26**

**PATIENT NOTES:**

Leskowitz, Paul

Date of admission: 11/24/2018

Date of birth: 11/12/1992 (26 years)

Gender: Male

**Background:**

Patient was brought to our hospital by stretcher at 9:48PM on 24 November 2018, after an incident at his home involving his mother and sister. EMTs were called to the scene by the mother, and decided it was best to take him here.

Upon asking the mother (Lina) and sister (Belle, who is a nurse at the children's wing) about the incident, they said that Paul had grabbed a knife, talking about someone coming to hurt him or his family. Belle believes that the person who was supposedly coming was his recently deceased father. Agitation and withdrawal started on his birthday, November 12. He reportedly has recurring nightmares and doesn't sleep much as a result.

Patient had been diagnosed with high functioning autism at the age of 6 and gender dysphoria at the age of 13. His family says they've been looking for a diagnosis of PTSD. Three months ago he was at this same hospital suffering multiple injuries, including a concussion. His sister says that his father is responsible for said injuries, and was killed in self defense.

**Behavior:**

He appeared agitated and panicked/confused on arrival, to the point where he was restrained to the stretcher. Once calmed down, he started withdrawing into himself, barely talking or even moving. When asked about suicidal or homicidal thoughts, he replied with "I don't know" and didn't elaborate.

Based on what I have seen and what his family reports, I believe that Paul may be suffering a psychotic break due to post traumatic stress disorder, and therefore request for him to be hospitalized immediately.

=====

"Hey Belle."

"Hey! How's it been?"

"Eh. I mean, the medication is making me super tired. But it works. I'm not, like, having shouting matches with Marvin in the middle of the night anymore."

"So...what do you think? About Tuesday? Are you excited?"

"I dunno."

"I think it'll be nice to be out of the hospital again. We can go to New York City for New Years. Mom's been dying to go there for ages."

"...."

"Sorry. This should really be about you. So, uh...why aren't you that excited?"

"I don't feel ready. I dunno. I feel... I've been here, what, three weeks?"

"Yeah. But you'll get out just in time for Christmas. You'll be fine...safe. You'll be safe."

"Okay...."

"Oh, and uh...I can tell them that you should take your meds at night. I have to take my ADD meds at night because they make me sleepy, so it only makes sense, right? I mean, I'm not sure how much I can do as a children's nurse. But I can threaten a lawsuit, ha!"

"That sounds way better."

"It is!"

"Oh - Belle?"

"Yeah?"

"I just wanted to say...I don't blame you. You had to do what you were told and...in the end, it's Marvin's fault."

"Paul, it's fine, I--"

"Lemme finish, sis. You saved me. You...you were there the whole time for me. And I never once thought that, you know, you were stressed or something."

"Paul... it's okay. I'm not gonna lie, it's been hard. But I think it's worth it. I think when we go and see the ball drop in New York, we're gonna leave all this bullshit behind. Let it fall. I think we're more than what a doctor tells us or what a dickhead of a dad does. I think that shit's only gonna make us grow to be better and smarter than ever before. And I think -- I _know_ we'll make it."


End file.
